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The Number 2 Reason Why You SHOULDN'T Get a Pet!

by Terry Stevens

PHOTO CREDIT: Laffy4K, Creative Commons License.

So, you're thinking about acquiring a pet.

A dog? A kitty, perhaps? Maybe a bird, or one of those delightful pot-bellied pigs?

Hope you like feces.

That isn't a joke. Once you acquire a pet, a good chunk of your life is going to be dedicated to the maintenance of a beast's fecal matter.

According to Dog Blog, In the US alone, dogs collectively deposit about 30,000 tons of poop every day. Not only that, but The average dog will deposit approximately 15,000 pounds of poo in its lifetime. By weight, that equates to about four Toyota Corollas worth of crap. ( 2013, Banker )

More like Toyota Crapollas , right?

Like FOUR of these, but made outta poop!

PHOTO CREDIT: By IFCAR (Own work) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

Okay, so dogs are walking poop-factories, so you'll just get a cat.

I'm not quite sure how to break this to you, but cats poop too.

Not only that, but the traditional method of dealing with cat feces in this country is letting the cat in question poop in a box full of scented grit, grime, and sand located IN YOUR HOUSE?!?!?!?!? People are even buying special litter box FURNITURE ?!?!?!? Gag.

Birds? Nope, still poop. Granted, poop in a much smaller volume than that of a dog or a cat, but your'e still removing cage liners coated with bird poop on a daily basis as part of proper bird care. ( 2013, Foster and Smith )

Ah, nature's beauty...

PHOTO CREDIT: Ingrid Taylar, Creative Commons License

At least with the pot-bellied pig, you can always have bacon once you tire of picking up pig dung. My grandfather raised pigs on his farm. Trust me. You're going to get tired of picking up pig dung.

Sorry. There was supposed to be a picture of bacon there, but apparently bacon isn't very popular on the internet, so I couldn't find any pictures of it.

Think you're safe with fish? Hah! Why do you think you need to clean their tanks out on a regular basis? Fish poop and then swim around in it ! Gross.

PHOTO CREDIT: Brenden Riley, Creative Commons License .

As a human, you are the result of millions of years of natural selection and evolution. You sit on top of the food chain, lord of all beasts. In addition, poop is a toxic, disease-ridden substance . Are you really going to stoop to being some filthy animal's feces butler for the next decade and a half?

Don't get a pet. You have better things to do with your life . (Unless your spouse and kids really, really want one. Then, you're just going to have to deal with it.)

*In addition to being the feces butler for TWO dogs that his wife and kids adore, "Scary" Terry Stevens is a radio host for Midwest Communications. You can Book Face with him here .